When the kids were little, they reprimanded me or each other when one of us said hate.
“MOMMY! She said HATE!!!”
I don’t remember being strict about the word. Maybe that came from school. I wouldn’t blame teachers for banning it. It serves no purpose in elementary school.
When the girls were 8 or 9, when they had completed the 2nd or 3rd grade, when Phillip was 4 or 5, we had a summer-long discussion about hate: the word and the concept.
I know that’s the time frame, because it was the summer that Abby was obsessed with Star Wars (a time Emma certainly hated). Abby, my budding geek, was concerned that Luke said to Obi-Wan: Look, I can’t get involved. I’ve got work to do. It’s not that I like the Empire; I hate it, but there’s nothing I can do about it right now. She thought her hero had said a bad word.
I told them that hate is neither a bad word nor a bad emotion. It is a strong word reserved for a strong emotion. While there are surely things worth hating, they were a little young to be trusted to use the word correctly. We began a list of things worthy of hatred:
Obviously, the Empire
The Devil
Cockroaches
We discussed many other things that summer, but nothing else seemed as deserving of the word as the trinity listed above.
That’s where our list began and ended until several years later, when Emma added:
Frogs
Mustard
I don’t know why Emma hates frogs, but she does. She is 21 years old now and knows her own heart. She can hate frogs if she wants to.
Without a doubt, she hates mustard. She was a good eater from the start. She was never afraid to taste new things. As a toddler, she would eat from my plate the onions that I picked out of my pepper steak at the Chinese buffet. If she says, “No mustard,” she means it. If the restaurant accidentally puts mustard on my cheeseburger, I scrape it off and cover the taste with ketchup. Not Emma. She won’t touch it. She returns it to the kitchen.
“I asked for no mustard, and this has mustard.”
(Don’t tell her I said this, but I think it’s more of an irrational fear than hatred. She has had four surgeries on her jaw, is facing two more, and doesn’t flinch at the sight of a needle. Every week, she stares down a Sunday school class full of 2nd and 3rd grade boys with joy in her heart. She is a brave young woman who cowers only at the sight of the WOOF Wolf and a certain yellow condiment.)
On a lesser note . . .
Some Things I Don’t Like
#wherehasthetimegone – It went at the grocery store and the pediatrician’s office. It went running carpool and watching soccer games. It went in time-outs for back-talking and smack-talking. It went kissing boo-boos, scratching backs, practicing multiplication tables, and reading bedtime stories.
Geometry – It is straight from the pits of hell. Actually, add this one to the list of things I hate. “Just make a 60 and get on with your life.”
The time change – I prefer Standard Time, the real time, the one on the sun dial. It is hard for this night owl to get up before the sun. However, to the folks who make this decision: PICK ONE AND LEAVE IT ALONE!
Pickled peaches – Other than alliteration, why would a person choose to pour preservative on God’s most palatable pleasure? I relish pickled veggies (see what I did there?), but pickled fruit?! Please pardon my puke.
Mascara – It smears under my eyes, darkens the circles I’ve had my entire life, and keeps me angry at friends with pretty eyelashes.
So, too, really, only, very – Is SO much more than much? Is TOO true more than true? Is REALLY unique more than unique? My exception (Is ONLY exception more than exception?) sings “Let’s start at the VERY beginning” with Maria.
Literally – “He was literally 100 feet tall.” No, he wasn’t. He was figuratively 100 feet tall, really so very tall.
(and Some Things I Do)
Tings – I have a Jamaican friend whom I talk to frequently on the phone. I like to hear her say tings instead of things. Maybe this list should be Some Tings I Don’t Like (and Some Tings I Do).
70s rock and roll and 80s country – I don’t know what music was popular in the 90s or the 00s. (I’ve heard mention about some boy bands.) I spent those decades listening to Hide ‘Em In Your Heart by Steven Curtis Chapman and Radio Disney. Currently in the 10s, I can’t get enough of hymns: Alan Jackson’s Precious Memories, Amy Grant’s Legacy, Kate Campbell’s Wandering Strange, Chris Rice’s Peace Like a River, Selah’s Greatest Hymns.
“We thought you was a toad.” – Delmar to Pete, O Brother, Where Art Thou?
A Girl Named Zippy by Haven Kimmel – Females born in or around 1965 need this book, especially those who had a sincere love of Glen Campbell.
Words – units, representations, expressions, utterances
Adjectives – modifiers, qualifiers, identifiers, descriptors
Thesaurus – list, reference, lexicon, onomasticon
Florida rest areas – Driving east and south, I like the 60s-era picnic pavilions nestled among pines and live oaks and palm trees and palmetto plants and WE ARE GOING TO DISNEY!!
Driving north and west, I like that they are spaced 30 miles apart.
“Do you need to tinkle?”
“No, but I will in a half an hour.”
Papa Ramsey’s homemade bread and butter pickles – Please see above reference to inappropriate pickling.
Retractable cords
The do-it-yourself package machine at the post office
The large recycle bin that rolls to the curb – I like it even on Wednesdays, when Chuck forgets and puts it out a night early.
Foghorn Leghorn – “I say, boy, pay attention when I’m talkin’ to ya, boy.”
Birthdays on Facebook
Breakfast for supper
Happy Endings.
Click here to read “Some Things I Like (and Some Things I Don’t).”
Leave a Reply